Is outside your inside, or something else?
Human beings are fascinating creatures. We’ll spend thousands of dollars on clothes, hair, cars, gym memberships, qualifications, furniture, entertainment and supplements. We’ll carefully curate the external world.
Most people know more about their favourite sporting team than they do about their true beliefs; more about their car than their values; about their social media analytics than their identity. And more about their coffee order than the patterns that have quietly been driving their decisions for the last twenty years.
Yet the internal world is the one creating almost everything. Relationships quality, happiness, our sense of meaning, level of confidence in different situations, our emotional resilience, the way we respond under pressure, the career choices we make (and don’t make) and our view of what opportunities we pursue.
If I asked you what is behind the things you tolerate, the things you fight for, the things you repeatedly sabotage, and what’s behind that list in the paragraph above, could you give me answers that you know are true?
The truth is, most of what we call life begins inside and then expresses itself outside. Yet most people spend their lives trying to rearrange the outside.
The Hard Truth
I think one reason people avoid self-discovery is because they’re frightened of what they might find…
- What if I discover I’ve been living somebody else’s version of success?
- What if my values I say I have, aren’t actually my values?
- What if the life I’ve built isn’t the life I genuinely want?
- What if I’ve been performing a role for so long that I no longer know who I am underneath it?
These are confronting questions. But avoiding them doesn’t make them disappear. It simply means they continue influencing your life from behind the scenes.
The irony is that most of what people find isn’t something terrifying.
What they usually find is relief.
Imagine the relief that you can finally stop pretending, stop trying to be everything to everyone else, begin making decisions that actually fit who YOU are.
That’s why I love identity work. Not because it helps people become somebody new. Because it helps them remember who they’ve been all along. Maybe that person feels like a distant best friend, but let them invite you back in, reconnect with who they are, and feel the warmth of the embrace.
Most people aren’t missing themselves entirely. They’re catching glimpses of themselves all the time. The moments when they feel most alive. The moments when they lose track of time, or the moments when they stop performing and are simply ‘being’.
Identity work isn’t creating a new person. It’s learning to recognise those moments and trust them as the indicators they are; they’re big neon signs to me, saying “This is You” and “This Matters”. They’re easy to see when you’re looking for them. It’s sifting through the messy sandpit of a person’s life and uncovering gold nugget after gold nugget of who they really are.
Living Authentically Isn’t Selfish
One of the biggest misunderstandings about authenticity is that people think it’s self-centred in some way. But I think the opposite is true.
When you understand yourself
- You stop asking the world to tell you who you are
- You understand your values
- You stop chasing approval
- You understand your gifts
- You stop comparing yourself to everybody else
When you understand your identity, you stop competing and start contributing. And that’s where things become interesting. Because every human being has something unique to offer. The world doesn’t need eight billion copies of the same person. It needs you to be brave enough to discover what only YOU can uniquely bring.
Maybe that’s why it’s called IN-vestment? Not OUT-vestment?
The Ripple Effect
Here’s where this becomes bigger than personal development. Stay with me on this next little flow of consciousness:
- A person who understands themselves tends to be more comfortable in themselves…
- A person who is more comfortable in themselves tends to be less threatened by difference…
- A person who is less threatened by difference tends to become more curious…
- More curious people tend to become more empathetic…
- More empathetic people tend to create healthier relationships…
- Healthier relationships create healthier friendships and families…
- Healthier friendships and families create healthier communities…
- Healthier communities create a healthier world.
Boom! Identity work isn’t a luxury. I see it as one of the most important things a human being can do. It’s ESSENTIAL to life on earth.
Understand yourself.
Live authentically.
Contribute what only YOU can contribute.
Create meaningful change in the world.
Help others do the same.
The journey inward eventually becomes a gift outward.
I realise I’m a long term convert to this way of living, and a guide to others from all walks of life to live with happy authentic hearts, lives rich in everything that matters to them, but PLEASE seek out help from whoever and wherever resonates with you to rediscover your essence!
A Final Thought
I genuinely believe every person should spend some time exploring who they are beneath the roles, expectations and stories they’ve accumulated throughout life. Not because they’re broken or need fixing. But because the person underneath all of that is usually far more interesting than the character they’ve been playing.
And if enough people understood themselves deeply, lived authentically, and contributed their unique gifts to the world? I honestly think we’d get a lot closer to the thing we’re all searching for. Happy hearts. Meaningful lives. True fulfilment. Self-actualisation. Transcendence. Whatever having a f*cking awesome life means to you!
And without getting ideas above my station, perhaps, one day, something that looks a little bit like world peace?
Where next?
- Conversations – Hear longer discussions with world-leading thinkers.
- Learn – Put these ideas into practice.
- What I Do – Understand the philosophy behind my work.
- About – Learn more about my journey.